Lost Words on a Cold Wind
by Sevi Snape
Summary: Hermione finally manages to work up the courage to go back to the wizarding world, only to find the thing she dreaded and desired to see most right in front of her.


As usual I own nothing but the plot. The characters and their environment belongs to JKR and the lyrics are from Sarah Mclachlan's song 'I Love You'

**Lost Words on a Cold Wind**

For the first time in ages I decided to take a walk. It had been years since I had walked in the magical world and now I felt a real desire to go. I didn't think anyone would recognise me and I knew you would have been two busy to be in town so there was no danger of my meeting you. It might have torn me apart internally if I knew that there was any small chance of bumping into you. I knew I couldn't handle it, not after the way things ended, too messy, to emotional. But I thought it was safe and so I made the journey to my old flat to retrieve my wand and then walked to the leaky cauldron. It was freezing, mid December and the frost was thick set on the ground and you could see your own breath hanging heavy in the air. Around me children ran past exhaling quickly to make themselves look like steam trains, like the Hogwarts express. As I got closer to the leaky cauldron I began to see more and more people in cloaks. I was such a contrast with my thick jeans and doc martins. A long thickly padded coat had been this winters choice of apparel complete with fake fur trim as well as the thickest mittens and gloves I could find. It was even cold enough to warrant earmuffs and a hat. I could imagine how stupid I looked my frizzy hair spilling over the top of the fake fur collar. I knew my boots clumped loudly and my cheeks shone red. My cheeks began to glow red for reasons other than cold. I could see a familiar figure with a familiar stride walking straight towards me.

_I have a smile  
__Stretched from ear to ear  
__To see you walking down the road_

My god you really are a sight for sore eyes. It's as if I can see a mirage in front of me. My face splits in two at the thought of seeing your face again and talking to you. It's like a fantasy or a dream, of which there have been many. Oh so many nights I have sat in my room cold and alone making puddles on my pillow. Tears were falling down my cheeks even as I smiled to see you. It was a bloody raging war of emotions in the pit of my stomach. They were rising up in a ball as I saw you realise who I was. I felt like I was going to vomit love and despair and loneliness all at the same time.

_We meet at the lights  
__I stare for a while  
__The world around disappears_

I feel like the first time I flew on a broomstick, weightless and alone in the midst of the most beautiful sky in the world. I feel like I am being lifted higher every second on our own private cloud. It's the most conflicting feeling in the world. You just look at me. Stood two foot apart and I know you can see everything I feel. The tears the smile the burning in my chest with the desire to kiss you. It's all too much and the tears just keep pouring. You however don't do anything. You just look at me with the same expressionless face but I could expressions flickering in the depths of your eyes. A trick I had to learn a long time ago, reading your eyes. The only part of you that ever told the true truth. Your eyes had never omitted anything at all.

_Just you and me  
__On this island of hope  
__A breath between us could be miles_

I exhaled slowly as if it might make everything a bit easier and for a second your face was covered by the mist my breath made and when it clear I was overjoyed to find you still there. That you weren't some figment of my imagination. You had been so many times before. Many times I had woken up from a realistic dream where I had fallen asleep next to you and discovered my bed was just as cold and lonely as when I had drifted off. Or sometimes when I was out around London I thought I saw you but when I caught up it was someone else all together.

_Let me surround you  
__My sea to your shore  
__Let me be the calm you seek_

My first instinct was to throw my arms around you and sob into your shoulder about how my I missed you and that I was sorry. In my mind you always hugged me back and stroked my hair and told me it wasn't anybodies fault and that you wanted me back. I knew that in reality this would be unimaginable.

_Oh and every time I'm close to you  
__There's too much I can't say  
__And you just walk away_

Like all those years ago I opened my mouth to say things and only mist came out. I stood there floundering for words and playing with the thumbs of my mittens.  
"Severus…" I managed to say then stopped.  
You just looked at me; my red swollen eyes the smile slowly fading from my lips, the red cheeks and the ridiculous attire.  
"What I mean is… it's just… I just wanted…"  
"Good day Hermione." You said by means of greeting and goodbye.  
With those two words you stepped round me and carried on your way without a backward look.  
I turned to watch your retreating back, stood in the middle of the pavement like a lost child.  
"I just wanted to say I love you." I whisper as a gust of wind sweeps the words from my lips and carries them to someone else's ears.  
The words I had struggled to get past my lips for years were lost on the wind, blowing round London, instead of being nestled in your breast pocket or pressed against your own lips.

_And I forgot  
__To tell you  
__I love you  
__And the night's  
__Too long  
__And cold here  
__Without you  
__I grieve in my condition  
__For I cannot find the strength to say I need you so_


End file.
